Nadia - Australia
I was 8 years old when I got my period.
I remember feeing quite scared not knowing what was happening and why I was bleeding. By this age no one had ever spoken to me about my period - school nor my family. Being so young I remember the torture and the anticipation each month - dreading the fact I would start to bleed and having to hide this from my parents and school friends. I was so embarrassed. At 11 years old I had sever mood swings and irritability around this time in my cycle.
I hated the cycle. And I hated me. I did not want this, I wished for my periods to go away.
By the time I started high school I was a 12 years old and quite well developed in my body. I stood out from most girls and I got attention from the boys, not the kind any young girl really wants. You could feel the perverted energy from boys and men when they looked at me. It was horrible, this only added to my self loathing and rejection of myself as a young girl.
Teen life really was a rollercoaster ride, a yo-yo from the highs and lows. I became quite detached from my female body and quite critical of myself as a teenager. Without outlining the process in detail I pretty much treated my body without the regard of the sensitive women I was, and instead I hardened it through excessive exercise, participating in sports and acting some what like miss independent, a tough chick, If looks could kill kind of attitude. Knowing I was so sensitive I often asked why I was doing this. At the time I realised I used this to keep the distance - protect myself from those around me. What this was doing in reality was not protecting anything. It was just hurting me. Physically and emotionally.
From the outside you could not tell this was how I felt, because I looked physically ‘healthy’ and ‘well’, I was pretty attractive with a slim sexy figure. How looks can be deceiving right? How false this demure personality I played was.
At the age of 22, my wishes of not having a period came true. My periods did stop - for 8 years !!!!
It was not the fairytale relief I imagined. It was the beginning of a more intense hormonal chaotic mess. Whilst I did not bleed I still experienced severe PMT every two weeks for two weeks! Cycle after cycle and my thyroid stopped working after having treatment for cancer, adding another twist into the pot. My rollercoaster life continued.
After so many years of wishing for my period to be gone, I then spent my late twenties wishing for my periods to come back so, it was a huge relief when my periods returned at the age of 31.
Soon after my periods returned I experienced my first EBM, recommend by a trusted friend. I started a program which basically in words I can only describe as pretty confronting.
The yucky way I had been living as a women was exposed and literally oozed out of my body. Being treated so tenderly with the upmost respect reflected how much I had hardened not only as a women, simply as a human being. I felt incredibly sad. The support offered to me was incredible. Never judged and only ever offered the understanding as to why I chose what I chose back then.
EBMs really helped me keep it real through a difficult time. There was no blaming or self bashing, the sessions gave my body and me the opportunity to feel the delicate and sensitive woman I am. When you feel that from every single cell it is not rocket science to not continue to choose behaviours that would hurt or diminish this.
Not really to my surprise, the changes in the way I move, treat and think about myself support a better rhythm or flow to my cycle that keeps at bay the hormonal yo-yo I lived for many years.
I am not perfect by any means and sometimes I wobble and go into old patterns. This is rare and few compared to how it used to be and how I respond to what I observe is always a lesson, not so much a drama anymore.
You can talk psychology over and over exploring the ‘whys’ to create positive behaviour change. For me it has only been through physically feeling the gorgeous me that the EBM offers that helped me make the change.
I would recommend EBMs to any women out there.